“Breakups hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate you is actually a gain, not a loss.” — Unknown
I’m a bit behind in posting as the last few weeks have been quite full-on. I’ve had to make some quite significant life changes & decisions, so I haven’t felt inspired to write.
At the risk of talking about the weather too much (as most of us Swedes & Brits do), it’s still pretty stormy outside. And it feels as if it frames my current state of affairs quite nicely.
A lot is changing and it started with me quitting the booze, and is only growing from there. My relationship had been on the rocks for quite some time, but it’s this process which has really highlighted the issues for me. The cloud in my head has started lifting and I’m not happy to settle anymore or be used and treated any less than i deserve.
30 and single
I decided it was time to put faith in myself and take on my life & my studio solo. So here I am, 30, single and living on my own. I will admit that the beginning is a little bit scary. But I can feel that I’m going to find it quite exciting as well as empowering. And what a time to do it! All feeling very poignant indeed.
The best part is being able to have my space exactly how I want it. My home feels so much more clean, vibrant and peaceful. And who doesn’t like that? My landlord says I can get a cat, so at least I have the option of a housemate! But for now it’s just me and my plants.
I’m already putting my focus into myself and building a healthy friendship circle. I think I have put too much reliance on my personal happiness in romantic relationships. When really that should come from within and from friends.
Speaking on friends I spent an eveing with my friend Claire whom I hadn’t seen since 2017. I was one of her bridesmaids at her wedding and I hadn’t seen her since. Crazy. But when she came to London this week it turned out to be exactly what I needed on Monday night. She helped me (without realising) to pull me out of my glum mood and get me smiling again.
So many of us seem to think that we are allocated our friends from school or work, and that’s it. That’s our lot. But this simply isn’t true. We can learn so much about ourselves and others dependant who we expose ourselves to (mentally rather than physically haha). And so I always try to be open to new friendships.
I feel very fortunate to have some really great people in my life already, but after having joined some of the sobriety groups and communities online, this got me thinking. I remember that I gave Bumble BFF a go a few years back and thought I would give it another try. I now have 2 friend dates coming up in the next week or two and I can’t wait! How cool is that.
Considering that this has been a really testing time with lots of change and heartache. I’m actually more determined than ever. I’m also not feeling the urge to drink when I’m out and socialising nearly as much. All in all I’m on a better path than ever, and I’m excited to see what comes my way.
Time for a bit of self love…